Eureka!

Man, for the past month, I've been in this deep dark hole which I actually dug up for myself. Emotions are sometimes such hard things to deal with, especially when God's concerned. Struggling alone, in solitude, is like facing your own demons on their turf. And it is a deep heartache and a fight where you actually cling to dear sanity.

In solitude, thats where most people get to meet God, utter silence actually makes the your situation worse, tenfold, hundredfold, totally depends on the individual. What I've experienced myself is that even in this life which is "like the ash that the wind blows away" there is a time for everything under the sun. And these things, "if your walking the walk and talking the talk", would only be revealed when that time comes. When? God knows.

Thankfully, there are no rules in prayer. Be it long, short, mutterings, or just a plain "hi", God listens. He always does. And most of the time, He answers. Thats when it's our turn to lend Him our ears. And, for me, what He tells me is completely the opposite of what I want. And at these times, its when I really struggle with the things I recieve.

It's like asking your dad, "Dad, I want that train set!" and he goes, Im gonna get you that remote control car". But you retaliate, "Dad! I really want that train set!" and he, totally calm, gives you a wink, and buys the car. Several days later, after completing the self assembled car, you realise how fun it was, and how much you learnt. Then your dad asks "Now, how bout that train set?"...

God's amazing. A father that can stand all the nagging and complaints that we give him, and when He blesses us, He does it with a bang. And normally, people being short sighted, that's me actually, physically and spiritually =P, but I'm learning! can't really see what God has installed for us until He unveils the whole picture. Sometimes He allows us to go through stuff to prepare us, for the future, in His awesome plan, alot of things which are gonna happen are just around the corner, He just wants to know that your ready, emotionally, spiritually, physically and psychologically.

There are times when I'm totally lost not knowing what to do, who to ask for assistance. No friends that can truly understand me, no one around me that I am able to turn to. However, since theres noone, I turn to Him, the one saved me from death, literally with all my problems, worries and personal turmoil, somehow in His own awe inspiring and totally radical way, He liberates me from the inside.