Reminiscing...

Pondering back at everything, flipping through my history book. Looking at what had been and that which is being. My eyes searching, scanning through each and every page thoroughly not missing a single word. Like a hawk i search, searching my past, marking every significant bit. Pieces of my life which I need to deal with, making sure Im not missing a single piece.

Examining the pieces of myself, embracing each memory, the hurts, pains, laughter and joy. As I viewing I scrunitize at each, bible ready, I reflect my previous endeavours with the Word of God. Marking them, and making a list of things "to change".

At times people think that seeking God is a menial task, something that "those" people can do, which is a fallacy. It all comes to yourself, be it whether you wish to persue that which is important to yourself, or you wish to persue that which of God. Pastors, leaders, parents, friends and family can always help you, guide, direct and be accountable with. In the end, the choice, not decision, its up to you.

Matthew 11:29-31 (KJV)

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek
and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

At times its hard to forget the past, to forget the awfulness which I've have been inflicted with, be it in the past, or struggles which are gnawing my mind away now. Deluded by lies and deciet I once thought that I could manage our problems by myself, God proved otherwise. "Giving" everything to God was something which, I didn't know how to do. Though I thought at first that it was just letting go, but it was more than that. It was about confronting it.

Sometime ago, I began to read the Word, put it into my heart. Verses that stood out i memorized and personalized. One verse that I would never take lightly again:

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and is able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Allowing God into all my situations, I experienced Him in an entirely different way. And slowly, He molded me into something which I thought was not possible. And I've learnt how to trust Him.. How? Another story for another time. Haha.

As I think about my "to change" list again, the difference is that this time, I have God by my side. But even with that assurance, at times I fear that the situation would overwhelm me, swallow me alive, but God is gracious, one way or another He will deliver me, by faith i know it's something which is just awesome.


Romans 12:2 (KJV)
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.