Sunrise..

For perhaps the first few times in my life, I actually enjoyed staying up late and waking up early (at about 5:00 am). Cambodian mornings are entirely different. The reason being that the sun rises at 6:00-6:30.

Now, being a fanatic, I disciplined myself to wake up just to do devotion with the kids. But I suppose that instead of blessing them, God has blessed me in various ways, yeah with me waking up at 5 am and being the first to wake up at times, I would holler into the rooms, giving them a good ol' wake up call. (its too bad i didn't have a loudspeaker *grins*).

Walking out into the darkness and just sitting there just looking at the sunrise was astounding.. from a pitch black sky, to a gradient of cyan, blue, yellow orange and red. Watching sillhouttes of palm trees sway side to side as they're blown by a breeze in the cool morning was surreal. Somehow every morning I do that, this verse from Psalms "Be still and know that I am God".... just hits me.

Devotion with them was amazing, as I enter each of the different dorms every dawn, you can practically see their hunger for the Word. A thrist for a word from heaven. Dispite each dorm being individual in their devotions, as I step foot into a dorm, they would be asking me the same question. "Good Morning Brother! Brother! Are you sharing today?", with a look in their eyes which noone could turn down. Back here, doing my quiet time alone just isn't the same. Yeah, I agree that we need solitude with God, but the fact that they just allow you to blend right into their groups and because they were just children that were so hungry for the Word... was amazing in itself...

Matt 19:14
Let the children come to me, do not stop them, because the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.

Untitled

Its only been two days since touchdown at the KLIA LCCT airport, and I'm already feeling homesick eventhough I know that I shouldn't. And yeah sorry, no pics as of yet! Just a brief summary of the 8 days of living totally dependant on God and trusting Him entirely.

Meeting up with the team at Church, I don't even know anyone, other than their names, except Kin San. Crystal, Michelle, Han Sean and Beatrice were new to me. We chatted, got along, with the Holy Spirit amongst us, the ice just broke. With anticipation, we boarded our aircraft, only after sitting down we were told to "abandon ship", as there were some technical faults with the aircraft. Thus we sat there for another two hours plus waiting for our next flight. Even during then, we discussed about what we were gonna do, the games sessions, the sport sessions, the teaching sessions.

Flying from the airport for the first time in years was a wonderful experience. The roar of the turbines and the g-forces pulling at you was refreshing. Flying at a monstrous height we soared the skies to Cambodia. As we saw land once again, it was entirely different from KL. Lights were scarce and spread out. It was as if it was a dead town. A main street with two lanes could be seen with very little cars.

Driving back from Phnom Penh Airport at 8pm was indescribable. A sense of dread could be felt as we drove back towards the center in pitch darkness, yeah it was pitch black, so black that if you stood in the middle of the road, and wanted to take a look at your palm, you wouldn't see it. The flashing of highlights and the sounds of car horns were alien. Even watching Uncle Sonny's left hand drive van was mind boggling, as we Malaysians drive on the opposite side.

I can still remember telling the others on the first day, "7 more days to go, what a long time we're gonna spend here", is something that I regret saying. Time passed so quickly as we spent our time with the children, each of us in our own special way. Be it games, CG, a time of sharing, testimony and etc. We just loved being with them.

They looked so suprised as our team was so small compared to last year. Their eyes wide with expectation and anticipation and a curl on their lips as we were introduced to them by Unc. Sonny on the first day, right before breakfast at 6:30 am. Just looking at their expressions has already told me that with us being there was an encouragement to them.

Sitting back here in front of my computer seems so.... strange, not sweating, looking around at all the lights... even listening to my MP3's seems just so awkward in a sense. Thinking of the way they can't pronounce my name properly calling me "berger" the first time I told them my name has imprinted the "Hamburger" nickname. The shouts of "hey brother!!" or "hi sister!!" echoes in my mind, as we'd be greeted by a pat on the back or a hug. Whats the purpose of being a brother or a sister when you don't spend your time with them? A revelation which hit me on the first day. Why call us brother or sisters when we're so selfish with our time, even when we're there? Two questions which got me thinking, which made me make commitments. To make sure that i will use my time wisely with them while I was there in Cambodia, with that being the first Domino, God's plan for me in the team was underway.

I am no leader, eventhough i was trained in a computing institute of how to manage people, control crowds, give presentations, keep attention and all that. I can stand and say that was just the power of the Spirit of God that allowed me to speak to them, and my cg contained people aging from 18-21 (our years) 17-20(khmer years), and there were 20 of them! All I know that, even as I walked to their mess hall, where I would conduct the session, I was praying for God to use me, for me to tell them what He wanted to tell them. With that I guess my prayers were answered.

Even the games were spontaneous, most of what we planned earlier were all innovated and changed. most of which were just planned out a day before the implementaion. All I can say that it was totally amazing. The way God was made real to our group, the way His Spirit moved things according to His will. It's as if God was standing right amongst us telling us.."Trust me", with a beaming smile on His face.

Simplicity sometimes is the best. From the children we could see and feel their simple faith and belief in God. Just that they trust God in everything, small and large. "It was He that brought your team to us." was something that blew me away, which was extremely encouraging. The way they just accept you no matter how you looked, how tall you were or that you were of a different race, left me thinking....

Our hearts, the children and of the team was the same. We all seek God, serve and love Him
in our own special way. The way they conducted their prayer meeting was mind boggling, the way they just step up in faith and just pray for everything / anything under the sun. The "train prayer" which i would call it was just amazing!!! Something i would just love to do / practise. I don't think we have pictures of it. But it'd be awesome if there was.

Yesterday, when I was introduced the "Hear us from Heaven" song at church, I just started tearing. Thinking of the children / teenagers back there. As if they were a family which I left. Sigh, it was an awesome trip. One better than anything I've ever experienced. I can only thank God for that, if it's His will for me to return, I'd go without a second thought.

Full Story yet to come...

Arrival

Taking off to cambodia and arriving back at Malaysia seems as if I didn't go at all. Which seems to be a short time of my life cut out from reality. A surreal fact which still boggles me even when I'm back here right now. Settling back in the tempo of life here.

I will have several posts for each day of my trip over there in cambodia as i get pictures from my team members. Its gonna be great so stay tuned.

It just seems as it was part of a dream, so real that it seems to have a great impact on my life, words can't describe how I feel at this moment. So all I can say is that: God is good, yeah, all the time.

The sound of ... an Airplane?

My bags are packed... I'm ready to go....

Off to Cambodia i go!

cyazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
:)

What i want

My blogs getting boring...
It needs pictures..

I don't like it bland...
Sigh...

So, this is what I'm gonna do,
...
........
...............
......................
hmm.................


Time to buy a camera...
And allow you guys to look at the world through my eyes =P


bwahahha..
Time has come for a change

Eureka!

Man, for the past month, I've been in this deep dark hole which I actually dug up for myself. Emotions are sometimes such hard things to deal with, especially when God's concerned. Struggling alone, in solitude, is like facing your own demons on their turf. And it is a deep heartache and a fight where you actually cling to dear sanity.

In solitude, thats where most people get to meet God, utter silence actually makes the your situation worse, tenfold, hundredfold, totally depends on the individual. What I've experienced myself is that even in this life which is "like the ash that the wind blows away" there is a time for everything under the sun. And these things, "if your walking the walk and talking the talk", would only be revealed when that time comes. When? God knows.

Thankfully, there are no rules in prayer. Be it long, short, mutterings, or just a plain "hi", God listens. He always does. And most of the time, He answers. Thats when it's our turn to lend Him our ears. And, for me, what He tells me is completely the opposite of what I want. And at these times, its when I really struggle with the things I recieve.

It's like asking your dad, "Dad, I want that train set!" and he goes, Im gonna get you that remote control car". But you retaliate, "Dad! I really want that train set!" and he, totally calm, gives you a wink, and buys the car. Several days later, after completing the self assembled car, you realise how fun it was, and how much you learnt. Then your dad asks "Now, how bout that train set?"...

God's amazing. A father that can stand all the nagging and complaints that we give him, and when He blesses us, He does it with a bang. And normally, people being short sighted, that's me actually, physically and spiritually =P, but I'm learning! can't really see what God has installed for us until He unveils the whole picture. Sometimes He allows us to go through stuff to prepare us, for the future, in His awesome plan, alot of things which are gonna happen are just around the corner, He just wants to know that your ready, emotionally, spiritually, physically and psychologically.

There are times when I'm totally lost not knowing what to do, who to ask for assistance. No friends that can truly understand me, no one around me that I am able to turn to. However, since theres noone, I turn to Him, the one saved me from death, literally with all my problems, worries and personal turmoil, somehow in His own awe inspiring and totally radical way, He liberates me from the inside.

Break Point

I've never updated my blog much on my life as it's a bore. The going on's and in's in my life are munite compared to what i can write with my thoughts. But, I guess this is a lil input on whats been going on for the past month or two.

Much has happend both good and bad. My physical condition is in a literal bad state, kinda like a car without tuning, squeaks here and there along with that "chugga chugga" noise they make when they're about to break down.

Attending class 5 days a week, 12 hours away from home a day, waking up at 6:45 in the morning and a heapload of assignments, my diet for the past 2 terms. So far there's been no "breather holidays" in my semester as I'm about to finish off my first degree year and moving on to my final year.

Heres how I feel at the moment:

"Your in a desert, thirsty, hungry and totally exhausted. Before you not too far away, is an oasis. You've been trying to reach this destination for quite a while now, slowly crawling your way there. You tell yourself to hold on cause by God's grace your gonna make it."

Yeah so thats pretty much how I feel. On the inside however, is totally different. Kinda like some alternate dimension which some understand and some might not. As in, your body is so tired yet your spirit is thriving. That kinda thing.

My spirit has been well rested, rejuvenated, very much alive and is eagerly awaiting things to happen (no idea what tho), whilst my body is a lump of tired flesh which is dying for some good rest.

On my knees

On my knees,
I quieten my heart down, the pulse in my veins begin to slow,
With my head to the ground, my expectation of Him begins to grow.

On my knees,
With my eyes closed, I filter out the noise around me,
Hands lifted, I bring Him praise.
Sometimes I feel tears flow, because He lets me see,
the power of His mercy and grace.

On my knees,
I converse with Him, saying sorry for the wrong things I've done,
However to Him it all seems, He's happy that I'm back as His prodigal son.
Asking for directions of where should I go,
Without another word He just tells me follow.

On my knees,
I am granted revelation,
Sometimes things beyond my own comprehension.
I'm glad that I'm walking in the Light,
and I pray that I will never lose sight.

Amen.

Deception

Ah, my dear blog. Time to literate my thoughts. It has been quite some time since I thought of it. And it seems that everytime I linger on this, i tend to get more confused. But after yesterday night, it all seems so clear now.. (well i hope it'll stay clear till the end).

There are times, people play it by ear, some by the book, and some by instinct or some call it playing it smart.

However no matter how we act think or decide, we all turn in circles in the end. Confusing? I'll explain. Fashion, a growing and everchanging trend, has dated probably till when Adam and Eve got booted out from the Garden of Eden. Now, in our age, fashion has integrated into society, wearing glamourous, casual, sexy and so on. However, many people I know have been chasing these.. trends, which has caused them to gain nothing. Why do people fall into these petty things? Lemme start from a war dated a long time ago,when the devil fell from heaven, he had only ONE power. Deception. Intrigued? Read on.

One of the highest ranked angels known in Heavens hierachy, in pride, committed sin. Waged war with God. Banished from heaven. Thrown onto the earth. Given the title prince of the air, with the authority to deceive. A thousand years will he be held. Sentenced to burn forever.

Not everything on earth is what it seems. At times people's eyes are clouded and their minds become confused with what they hear and what they see. Sight and Hearing are a humans most important senses, and with them being so crucial, they are easy to manipulate.

Alot of people think the devil's in hell. Theologically, that is untrue. Some people think that it 's his home. Even more untrue. Now where do you think he is? Thats right. On earth. With us. Hell is a place that NOONE, yeah including fallen angels, want to be. Ask yourself, who wants to endure my Father's eternal wrath, I doubt anyone would.

Singing competitions, Beauty Pageants, Acting, Hollywood, and the list just goes on. All these forms entertainment (to us) are actually fueled by a passion for purpose in the participants own lives. Blinded without the Word, they stumble and fall into these things, thinking that "Hey, I think thats what I want to do" and they delve into it. Backstabbing, treachery, lies, etc. And Oh, the world finds all these human emotions and deception entertaining. In which they have no clue, they're being brainwashed from the inside. (Your Eyes are the Doors to you Soul.. or was it spirit.. or mind.. either one :P)

20 years ago, people created films based on Revelations, in a very good sense, for a very good cause. To warn the church of the 2nd Coming of Christ. The "Mark" was portrayed in various ways. Chips in the forhead / right hand or barcodes on the same places. The motion picture gave Christians a sense of dread and fear, which is where the devil revised his plans, deception. As Christians, we shouldn't fear the end times, to be correct, we should embrace it. C'mon, its the coming of our Lord!!

Now, those that have watched the movie(s) are probably dreading the day when people infuse chips / barcodes into their skin. Man, if you were trying to decieve a person, who would use the same trick twice (thats what I think), and when everyone is fully aware of it?

In my own opinion, nowadays, people can actually tell if your christian or not, meaning you have God's mark on you. If not, then ...... The system of the world is now integrating. The total opposite of when this world was segregated during the time of the Tower of Babel. We're becoming One again. A whole as God's creation.

All these things do frighten me abit. Yet they are a constant reminder that He is always there for us. Eventhough we fall into the traps so cunningly desguised, He'll always fish us out (If, we want Him to).