Games.

How long has it been? Hmm. I can actually count the years I delved into this expensive addiction. Not only was I addicted, I was also immersed in the "worlds" which were portrayed in the games. Making myself self deluded and ... confused?

For years I struggled to release myself from its vise. The harder I tried pulling myself free, the tighter its hold around me. And as I settled back in, its grip released, enjoying the comfort of my online mates, I continued gaming, pouring thousands of hours into something which I knew was worthless and completely useless for my future.

Looking back, I've been unknowingly addicted to entertainment since I was a small child. More or less by the age of 8 or 9, I've already been exposed to computer games. Computer games were something I would always look forward to playing. It was something that.. brought you out from this life.. this world and put you in a place where you could control, freely, had many lives.. all a big lie.

I suppose I woke up from a dream in which I have overslept for an extremely long time. People could say "I grew out of it" or that "I got bored of it". But for myself, I could say I chose. It was difficult, there was a time where the withdrawal symtoms came. But all in all, I was set free from it. As I realised how bland, pathetic and just vain, it actually was I just thought to myself, how could I not see it? How could I be so blind? It was absolutely amazing when God allowed me to see right through it. When I was in it, i couldn't see, blinded by what was before me. Now that I can see. It would be something which I would never step my foot in again.

Well, I'm not saying games are bad. Computer Games have been created to entertain, relief (in a sense) and to bring joy (in a worldly manner). Too much of it would suck you in, and slowly dissolve you from the inside. Until your totally hollow, possibly just a shell. Yeah its that bad. Work hard. Play hard. Seek God harder.

My Boat

Calm seas, a good wind, smooth sailing. Ah, thats the life. At times after a long time of suffering, struggles and climbing we always tend to kick back and relax. Kinda "enjoy" the scenery abit. Well these are times when God turned my circumstances into a raging cyclone. And rocked my boat hard.

Realising that the boat is not going to hold, I call out to God. "God! God! Why are you doing this??" with my own hands locked in a death grip on the boat. Soon, I realise the winds and waves are slowly taking my wonderful boat apart. God gives and takes away, whenever He wants to. Sometimes there are people that just can't let go. In our own little boats, we always think of how far we can go, always thinking of tomorrow, until we go about things so hurriedly that we don't "stop and smell the roses".

From the raging tempest, a figure emerges. Realising who that is, I call out. "Lord, save me!". As I squint and make of what the figure is trying to convey, only to realise that His hands are held out, waiting. Now, on the other hand, I'm still holding on tight to my prized or perhaps only possession. Totally unaffected by the storm, the figure continues to wait. His arms welcoming me. Knowing that I needed to give it up, I gave a deep sigh, and stepped off the boat.

I jolted as my feet made contact with the water, as it was icy cold my senses went on high alert and the feeling of the uneven surface makes it even more inconceivable. I'm walking on water!! Then fully aware that the sea was raging around me, I gape in terror as I observe the power of the storm with the cyclone before me. Shocked, I slowly start to lose focus and my feet begin to submerge. A voice rings in my head, "FOCUS!". Snapping out from contemplating and analyzing my current situation, with all my willpower, I refocus on the figure standing there before me.

Each step taken was odd, uneven, unpredictable, surreal and far-fetched. Why? Realising as I was treading the water, He was with me all along holding my hand and guiding me. Like a baby, I walked, slow but steady. Yet, there are still times in which I would sink and get my ankles wet, but as long as my focus was on Him, the storm couldn't affect me. However, this time around, I took note of the experiences, the feelings and the grand satisfaction of each step taken.

I've just taken a few strides. Plenty more to come.....

Walls.

Considered by the military as the first line of defence. For one thing, there is no historical fact on who created the first walls. Seemingly, its our own nature to mark borders, draw lines, and build walls.

In a nutshell, walls are created to protect, a fortification of sorts. A basic defensive wall formation would incorporate towers, the walls, and a gate. Towers are used as lookouts to know as-a-matter-of-factly, what was going on, on the other side of the wall. The gate is the entrance, normally extremely well guarded and whatever that is passing through will be noted.

Now we look at the walls which we, in our hearts, have built up. To protect us from the hate, nonsense and things which we dislike or dispise. Sometimes we don't know how large and thick we have built up the walls around our lives.

Lets take Paul for an example. He was having an extremely fun time persecuting the Christians back then. Grounded in the "Word" and the teachings of the Pharisees, the walls he built himself were massive and solid. Until God's grace touched him, and the walls around his heart crumbled like Jericho's. Leaving him defenseless and completely vunerable, God stepped in. From that moment, he was turned upside down as God cleaned him out and set him back on track. But, it was Paul's commitment to allow himself to stay vulnerable until the day he died.

We may not see it. But it is there.
It starts small...



Then as we are pressured, we build them higher...


More massive...


and complex..


Until, we're so "perfected", in this sense, that we're secure knowing, filtering and making sure that anything that comes in would not hurt us. Now heres the thing, if you want God's awesomeness in your life. Those walls will have to fall, the choice is yours.

Humility

It's half past six in the morning. Raindrops could be heard falling in a natural hypotic symphony. And I'm just sitting here. Looking at my notes for my final exam due three and a half hours.

The past four months have been so insanely hectic and tasking that I'm finally feeling the full force of the weariness. Even as I read my notes. In my heart, it's somehow amazing how I am able to wake up nowadays, and the first thing that comes to my mind is inviting in the Holy Spirit into my room, into my day.

Reflecting on how transformed I am now, I just stand mouth agape infront of the mirror, outward appearances can only allow people to see you so much, as for your inward appearance, it goes a long, long way. Eight months back I was a slack and a bum, had bad attitudes, just your normal joe. But God decided it was time for me to learn humility.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and its righteosness and all these shall be added unto you". Noone with pride in their hearts will go seeking, I'd actually want those things to seek me out! haha, yeah that was how i was. Bad huh? "Ask and you shall recieve, seek and you shall find, knock and it will be opened unto you". God's telling us to be humble before Him, with pride, we cannot see the things God has installed for us. People tend to say, Lord where are you? Why have you forsaken me? While its not God that left them, but they that have fallen away from His wonderful grace.

Humility is not easy to learn. Courage, patience and trust was built through a slow and menial series of lessons which God put me through. Each time I learnt something, He struck out something on His "Spring Cleaning" list. How loving is He that would help us get back on track so that we can be with Him? Insane thought huh? Sometimes, God will whisper to us, giving us some outrageous thoughts. Just to see whether we're willing to allow His will to be done or that our pride overcome it with ourselves doubting and holding back.

Our creator, humbled Himself to die for us. Humbled Himself to associate with us. Why can't we answer that humility in return?

Pics? Here you go!